I'm a Total Loser Because...



August 3, 2015

I did quite poorly in school, I had to cheat excessively to get my highschool diploma, math was my worst subject. I was constantly told I was lazy, as I appeared to teachers to be bright, but didnt do the work.

I was born with asthma so I could never run for long or do sports, I grew up on a (very poor) farm where everything set off asthma attacks constantly. Never had a gf in highschool, I was regarded as the poor lazy loser by everyone.

After highschool when all my classmates went to University I got a job doing industrial sandblasting. Its one of the dirtiest jobs I have ever done, basically you get covered in metal and rust and can never get clean. I almost got fired for not being good enough at it, but luckily there were few willing to do that job. After a year, I got a beautiful girl to date me for the first time. Most happiness I had ever known. I wanted to be with her forever. She dumped me after 3 months. I spiralled down a hole of sadness for a long time after that. It was then, that I developed a second autoimmune disease. I went into Thyrotoxic shock and lost about 50 lbs in a short time, as my body was hypermetabolized and started eating itself.

I quit my job because The disease made me too exausted to work, of course everyone around me regarded me as lazy. Except my Mom. 

Despite doing horribly in highschool, I decided to get a certificate in business. I was still very sick, and did quite poorly. After flunking a few basic classes I quit college, determined to pay back the money I borrowed before trying again. I worked at night as a bartender, and in the day as a bankteller, I was fired as a bankteller after a few weeks, for apparrent ineptitude.

That day, I went home to my parents farm. I changed into a pair of comfy shorts. I grabbed a very sharp fish knife from the kitchen, and went outside and knelt in front of the battered swingset I played on as a kid. 

I had thought about doing it for the past 3 years. Suicide. Between losing a girlfriend, failing college, and the sickness, every minute of everyday was filled with the same thought. It was the first thing I thought about when I woke up, and the last thing I thought about when I fell asleep.

I had pretty much lost my faith in abrahamic religion, and wanted death by Sepiku. I clutched the knife with both hands and flexed out my arms with the blade pointing toward me.

Angrily I said out loud "I won't live like this any more, I won't let you (myself) stop me". I took 5 fast breaths, and then I dropped the knife. I couldn't do it.

I continued bartending for a while, and started dieting. Remarkably it helped with some of the mental effects of the metabolic disorder. 

By this time everyone I grew up with moved away from my rural town, and they shut down my school due to the dwindiling populace. 

I had stronger hold on myself due to the diet, I saw the disease as the root of my problems, and was determined to fight it.

I moved to the city, and used my basic college education for a telecollections job. I wasn't to bad at it, I even managed to make friends.

At this point I resolved that my life had gone out of control due to forces that could not have been stopped. If I was going to die, I was going to leave it up to nature and I was going to seize the broken peices of my life as best I could.

I ended up getting a good job as a AR clerk, which I worked for about 4 years. I had ups and downs with my health. I managed to finish college while working.

In 2010 the economic crisis hit, and management changed. Again I was terminated for ineptitude after 4 years. For an entire year I couldnt find work, I had to borrow alot of money from my mom to survive.

I sank low. Felt like a parasite, with no hope, and no future. A number of people convinced me to get assessed for a learning disorder, since I had so much time to myself.

I was assesed as having discalculia, dyslexia, and a cognitive memory disorder.

These are the reasons I did poorly in school. I wasn't lazy...I actually wasn't completely capable of succeeding with my limited skillset.

I worked in an acounting assistant job for four years with a mathmatical disability? I graduated college, and highschool, with all of these disabilities undiagnosed, and I was the lazy one??!!

My dispair quickly turned to anger, anger against the systems that failed me all my life.

I got a new girlfriend who also had been failed by social norms, by the systems that are meant to support her. I started a new job, and then another, being very careful about what choices to make, what skills I could use. Since then, my employment, money, and emotions have had it's ups and downs. 

But I haven't contemplated suicide in forever. If I had commited sepiku all those years ago, I never would have discovered these truths about myself. I would have died actually believing I was a lazy failure.

Sickness, physical or mental, circunstances beyond your control, other peoples judgements of you without understanding your limitations, does Not make you a loser.

Find your real rockbottom before you commit to self destruction. Find yourself some answers.

Tell yourself that the pieces of who you were supposed to be are floating around in the world somewhere, resolve to go find some of them.

If there is hope for a diseased riddled mentally impaired poor farmboy, there is hope for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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July 30, 2015

Living out of my car, I fell a sleep with my laptop powered up and my radio on so now I am stranded in a remote location with a dead battery without any money.

 

UUHHGGGG

 

With a loser like me?  I suppose it was bound to happen eventually.

 

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  1. LexLoser LexLoser said: Hey guy, how did things work out for you? Manage to find help?
  2. no1willeverlove no1willeverlove said: Hope things get better, please get a hold of a family member a friend or a shelter nearby, stay safe.


July 29, 2015

my whole life I care about other people that much that Iforget to take care of myself, evrybody betrayed me and take advantage of kindness, and I allways think that everything will get better, what a looser... nobody gives a crap everybody I met are backstabers, they only wants to take and take and Im sick of it...but there is nothing I can do...Ihope one day I will have the courage to send everybody where they belong...loosers

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  1. looseintime4eve looseintime4eve said: Thanks no1willeverloveme, you words mean a lot to me
  2. no1willeverlove no1willeverlove said: Take care â¡
  3. no1willeverlove no1willeverlove said: Please dont let other individuals rotten hearts make yours hurt, its not worth it, if you stop caring who will? Neverthess love and care for yourself first so that you can give love and care too, can't pour care into another life without being full of it
  4. no1willeverlove no1willeverlove said: People tend to have no gratitude these days, we live in terrible times but Im thankful for the few like yourself that have placed others happiness first before their own bc of minds like yours this place is a wonderful place. Thank you so much for that.
  5. totalfreak1 totalfreak1 thinks you're a loser


July 28, 2015

1/ I DONT CARE

2/ I STILL DONT CARE

3/ I DONT GIVE A SHIT

4/ I DONT GIVE A FUCKING SHIT, STILL

5/ I DONT WANT TO BE THAT GUY BUT YEAH, WHO THE FUCK CARES?

6/ I DONT CARE  ABOUT POOR BASTARDS LIVING ON THE STREETS

7/ I DONT CARE ABOUT CHILDREN IN AFRICA

8/ I DONT CARE ABOUT MY NEIGHBOR

9/ I DONT CARE ABOUT MY FRIENDS

10/ I DONT CARE ABOUT WHO THE FUCK IS CRISTOPHER COLUMBO OR WHATEVER THAT FUCKTARD DID

11/ GEOGRE WASHINGTON CAN SUCK MY DICK

12/ WHOEVER BLACK SHOULD BE BURIED ALIVE

13/ ASIANS SHOULD BE HANG

14/ I DONT WANT TO BE THAT ONE DUDE, BUT YEAH I FUCK YOUR MOM, SO SHUT THE HELL UP

15/ RIGHT NOW THERE IS A BITCH INSIDE WHOEVER READ THIS SHIT

16/ GUESS WHAT, I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU

17/ LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW AND SEE IF I CARE

18/ OR NOT, WHO GIVES A SHIT?

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  1. looseintime4eve looseintime4eve said: I don't care either...


July 26, 2015

Since a child of 6 yrs old I used to daydream a lot of being dead and having sad classical music played at my funeral. The first person I loved was my father and he left me for another family at age 7. I was molested at age 7 by a "friend" and by my stepdad since age 10...my parents have always  been overproctective, at school I never had real friends, before i would move to another place, always ate my lunch in the restroom stall to avoid being looked at as the weirdo, I have been made fun of bc of my looks, grew up to be a cute girl now women yet every guy I have spoken to never takes me seriously the act like they like me then they all end up leaving me for a uglier girl, As if I was just their side girl or plan B ....my mom always reminds me how im not as smart as other people how im so weak stupid and a idiot, many times i tell myself whats the point of life. Im always trying to prove everyone that im worth it, but i always feel like a loser in the way ppl treat me. I try not to go out in public bc Im afraid to be put down, laugh at and I honestly dont feel like I belong anywhere. My favorite times are my time alone in my room looking at movies or pictures daydreaming living another life the way I wish it was, live in the pictures, videos or movies. I honestly think love wasnt meant for me. Im almost 30 and I have been used and sexually abuse and thats the only kind of love I know, I dont believe in true love...maybe it was made for the lucky, like the ppl that got it all together, I have a ok face and body..no career no friends no car no home of my own Im just a 27 yr old creep living with my parents hoping one day I will be happy if that exists or just die soon. Thanks for reading some of my deep secrets.

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  1. looseintime4eve looseintime4eve thinks you're a loser
  2. looseintime4eve looseintime4eve said: at least you got somebody that cares about you, shelters you and probably will be there for you if something happens, parents always push us to be better, I hope you "live a long and prosper life" wish you the best
  3. looseintime4eve looseintime4eve said: hello...hang in there...I guess life is rough sometimes, let me know if I can help :( sellersjoe001@gmail
  4. totalfreak1 totalfreak1 thinks you're a loser
  5. LexLoser LexLoser thinks you're a loser
  6. LexLoser LexLoser said: I'm 28 year old loser living at home hoping one day things will get better. I have no friends, girlfriend, car or career. So we have plenty in common . If youd like a friend to talk to them feel free to hit me up at kamza435@Gmail.com


July 25, 2015

1. I'm 26 years old

2. I live with my parents

3. Still in college 

4. No friends/no girlfriend (literally no one) 

5. I'm not good at school 

6. No job 

7. No money

8. I don't leave my room

9. I watch movies and TV shows all the time 

Because I don't know anyone to talk to

10. Sometimes I talk to the wall 

 

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  1. looseintime4eve looseintime4eve said: you a winner, you parents feed you and give shelter lol,
  2. hataky2 hataky2 said: same here hoooy loser's brotherhood
  3. hataky2 hataky2 thinks you're a loser
  4. no1willeverlove no1willeverlove said: I know how you feel
  5. LexLoser LexLoser thinks you're a loser
  6. LexLoser LexLoser said: Sound just like me, only I'm 28.


July 25, 2015

Not much to say. Never had a boyfriend. Men hate me. I have to beg for sex and still get rejected all the time. So I have no sex ever.The man I tell I like tells me to get lost by text. That he never wants to speak to me again ever in life. I'd say I'm a grade A loser. When you live your whole life alone there's no hope of every finding love. I wish God didn't make me a loser so I could know love or at least be liked by someone back.

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  1. LexLoser LexLoser said: Hit me up if you wish on kamza435@Gmail.com


July 25, 2015

so i took grd 11 english in summer school thinking i could ace it. i was fasttracking the course as i am currently in grd 10. evryone said the course was easy so i took it too with my friends. in the midterm i had an 85 and now at the end of the course i have a fucking 81. i am such a fucking looser for not doing this course in normal school. i feel bad for the drop in the mark and hate myself. i did good on essays in grd 10 and got a 90 on my final essay. now here in grd 11 i didnt even get a fucking 60 overall on my final essay. how hard can one fuckking grade get? i was so unhappy of my mark that i wanted to cry in class, but i couldnt so i came home and wrote this shit cuz i am a fucking loser. now the teacher knows me and will also give me a shitty mark on my fucking essay exam that happaned today. i am gonna get a shitty mark on that and i will fucking drop from an 81 to a fucking 60. damn i hate mylife so fucking much man. i wish i could kill myself but my mom loves me too much and my dad wants me to live so i can clean his car. please wish me luck for this course and may god have mercy upon me pls...........

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  1. looseintime4eve looseintime4eve said: good luck looser...


July 24, 2015

I have had quite a few serious loser inicidents in the past few weeks.  But,  in short, these days I am such a loser the only thing that makes me feel any better?  Is giving all my money to other homeless losers like myself.

 

Sort of perpetuating the loser species perhaps?

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July 21, 2015

Idk i write very sloppily and am terrible at this stuff but basically I am kind of tired of always being the suckiest one at everything I do. Everyone's life seems to improve except mine and i kind of just give up. I feel totally useless because for the most part i am only good at things that are completely useless and dont matter. I honestly just want to make way for those who are better and more fit for living life than I am. I feel like a wasted soul. I am short and ugly and I hate it because I have met an amazing girl that we can talk for hours and hours but she doesnt want to date me because of my looks.. so to me it's like what is the point. Everyone around me is better looking and just better at pretty much everything than I am. People look at me with pity and women are embaressed to even be seen with me. I also can't keep a job for my life because I am so fucking socially awkward and so undisciplined and lack so much common sense. It doesn't seem to matter how hard I try.. so yeah I will probably rot slowly I am at the very least glad that there is a site that I could at the very least post my inner struggles because another one that I had before was apparently taken off and I need this so badly during these times. 

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  1. LexLoser LexLoser said: Google the mental support community, you can post and vent there too if you wish